Today the house went on a little (or should I say big) adventure. It went a little like this.

My work has been so quiet after Christmas. To be expected. But I don’t do well with little busy.

I’m feeling a little bit (or a rather big bit) knackered, as when I arrived home from work this arvo, Gem and Mil and I went and ran the Bay Run, but it was most incredibly hot. Then I had to dash to the city to get my new little camera. It was most productive an afternoon that could have not been.

The time to leave is drawing ever nearer and I begin to feel more and more unprepared. Which technically doesn’t make any sense, because I’m still further along the preparation road in terms of having things done, but I still feel like I for some reason haven’t done enough.

I think I will be sad this month…

And scared.

I can’t understand why I haven’t recognised before why it is that I love both tea and community so much.

Libby did point it out that

communi-tea

I arrived at work the other day and noticed that we had a rather large place of gold sewing scissors in place of the normal scissors. I chose not to consume time worrying about such matters.

Ariyani tells me later when she arrives that we found them inside one of the Rajasthani rugs we sell. Big and heavy and could kind of consume someone of you weren’t careful folding it up. At the first I thought ha, our Head Office in SA sent it.

…

I was a little slow on the uptake but I soon realised those scissors had come from the Indians who’d made the rug. At first I thought it was funny and cute. And as time progressed I started to worry that someone had saved for months for them!

David, how many months salary is a pair of tailors scissors in India?

“I’m worried where we would end up with a system where older people feel themselves they’ve become a burden. I don’t want that pressure ever placed on our seniors. The mark of any society is how compassionate we are to our most frail, whether it’s our youngest or our seniors.”

-Kevin Rudd, on Euthanasia.

That made me happy.

Visa arrived yesterday.

Had a moment of panic when it said I needed to enter the country in 90 days of the visas issue. Realised that it was OK because I would do that, then panicked again because I realised I would be entering Mexico in the next 90 days.

Mexicans like paperwork and stamps. I need to do a fingerprint. Who has an ink pad? I haven’t seen one of them for years.

Visa arrived yesterday.

Had a moment of panic when it said I needed to enter the country in 90 days of the visas issue. Realised that it was OK because I would do that, then panicked again because I realised I would be entering Mexico in the next 90 days.

Mexicans like paperwork and stamps. I need to do a fingerprint. Who has an ink pad? I haven’t seen one of them for years.

Oh that catchy date is really…catchy. But none the less, we did have our community dinner again last night and again it made me feel happy. It really is sort of the right amount of people for our house to hold turn up every time and somehow miraculously the food extend as the loaves and the fishes to feed the community (leftovers in tow).

Anyway, there’s something so un-perfect and spontaneous and whatever happens happens about it that’s well perfect. It’s just how I would like to build community. And it’s really so lovely to be able to invite people into your home. And this is the thing that makes me ultra sad about going away, thinking about missing out on this. But luckily the other community crew can continue and it will all still be here when I return. One of those joyous melancholic moments. Mourn the loss of somethings and celebrate the living on and changing.

It’s good that I know what day it is. I seem to keep forgetting.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Which is sad, because it means I have to travel all the way to the far off lands of Macquarie to go to work. I am replaying in my mind whatever it was that possessed me to say ‘Yes’ to that.

I’m going to have tea and warm lime syrup cake that Jude cooked now. That’s very exciting news and sad that no one is here to experience the joys of Jude’s half cake. Very sad you poor petals.

Now yesterday was a day off which was merriness. And the Extra-goodness of this was that I managed to cram in (right until the last moment - 9:15am this morning) activities that were non-work related and in the space of one day managed to wack my brain out of work and create some mini weekend haven.

Applied for my visa. Drop-In was nicely chilled out and had that summer peaceful over it. Went for beer with Bec and Gary afterward which has new found joys since discovering Tooheys Old, a beer that I want to latch onto.

Went beaching this morning, managed not to be late for work and arrived still with salty hair. Mmmm. Ate far too much chocolate. Jess had bought us chocolate croissants.

I went to Bible Study tonight (rather late) and funnily turned out to be the only one there (hence why I ended up with half a Jude Cake. Trev showed me some photos of Mexico and told me about this family doing some very cool sounding community things in Mexico City which made me excited and thought about going and spending some month with them or so. Also a nice touch to the ‘bible study’ was the Mexican slang swearing I learnt. Described in urban dictionary as the all-purpose insult enhancer. And you’ve gotta love that description. I think it’s hilarious.

I’ve been thinking (and perhaps with that goes feeling also) about being consumed…generally in the time sense. I’ve been working the equivalent of full-time lately, and I was making some veggie stacks (w. egg) the other night, and I was pondering on the fact that I could easily live this way: work, eat and sleep. Life goes on. And that’s the life that you live. But it struck me more than ever that that is not the life I want to live. I desire so much more than that. I want to be putting more of my energy into my community. I think that’s actually where I find my purpose. No matter much I loved my job, I think my ultimate purpose would not come from there. Which is actually an interesting thought and quite freeing. It frees me from the fact that that I am studying a degree I don’t actually see myself using. But I don’t know it really matters. It’s just a phase of life. And it’s interesting. And it teaches me useful skills. And its thought provoking.

And even if I managed to figure out some swan-dangle job that seemed like it would change the world and totally provide job satisfaction to the 100%, it probably still wouldn’t. Because the overriding factor here is that job satisfaction to the 100% doesn’t = Life satisfaction/community/relationship satisfaction to the 100%. Yep.

And so I think I’ve been feeling a bit sad this week because I haven’t been around. Or been involved with people. The past few weeks a couple of people have said they’ve dropped in and there hasn’t been anyone here… (that, or I haven’t been around to experience the joys of dropper-innerers). But all our lives go on. And a community goes on. But I’m just missing out. And that’s a sad thing to miss out on. Because communities are cool. And the thought that people drop round and there’s no one around makes me sad.

Again. Communities require time.

And I get sad leaving. Missing out on community moments for a year. Moments that aren’t anything without the commitment of time spent with others or something that would sound more profound if I was a poet.

And…Carlyn came round for dinner the other night. She was telling us about this woman who invited people into her home at the age of 20 or something. And I found it all inspiring…and all challenging…but then I felt all frozen like because I hit a wall when I remembered I was going away for a year. But it did remind me of my desires and dreams and passion and thoughts for the future…which could completely change in a years time….

oh oh oh.