I stayed in a dorm room on Saturday night. I was trapped in a room with 2 people having sex and the other folk snored. It’s funny and gross all at the same time.

I’ve decided that the focus this week (and for life, but starting this week) will be on seeking truthfulness, genuineness and honesty. I think that this is important above all things…I don’t really know what that means…but I suppose, without this, nothing makes sense.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about places and cultures. I think I began to think about it because going to Alice Springs was like visiting a completely different culture in many ways and there’s a bit of that reverse culture shock thing. And then I went up to the Blue Mountains for the weekend. I’d never noticed before that places have quite distinctive cultures. Or at least I wasn’t aware that I lived in one in Sydney…perhaps because I’ve always been in it.

Although, I’ve never fully felt like I’ve fitted into that culture…probably that any big city brings. I think that I can play the game of professionalism and efficiency and living the ‘city’ way, but I think I’ve realised, I don’t want to play anymore. This culture feels to me to be a culture that induces shame. If you don’t play the game, you feel ashamed. If you don’t have the work to do or you don’t know how to do it, or you don’t want to do it ‘professionally’, there is this shame I think that comes with it. I suppose I feel this way. And I think I’ve not said no to that culture before because the shame has locked me in.

But I think in seeing the way another culture does things, particularly workplaces, I realise its not just that I am odd and don’t fit into this shame culture, or city culture, it’s actually not weird. There are others who’ve got fed up and ditched it and said hey, don’t you shame me into playing that game. And I find it so refreshing to know that simply, I don’t have to play the game.

And so I won’t.

We have Michael Franti tickets. Yip. But it was pretty hectic. There was no dancefloor tickets. It’s very sad. Mil and I have made an executive decision to stand anyway.

I have this mess on my floor which I am reluctant to clean up. It’s rather unlike me . I might try and clean it up today because Jo is returning. I don’t really want to because it helps my head. My head is feeling messy and chucked about and the mess is kind of soothing. Sometimes when I want something from the pile I chuck the other stuff about a bit to mess it up more. It’s rather bizarre.

Landed back in the land of Sydney this arvo from good ol Alice Springs. All a bit strange.

I had a mixed time, but overall I think it was a really great and challenging and worthwhile and thoughtful and fun and difficult and joyful and sad and growing and searching and seeking and understanding and learning and nothing and complex and emotional and lonely and homely and tea drinking and accepted and raw and generally positive experience visiting the town called Alice for 3 weeks.

I’m glad I went for 3 weeks. I had a pretty different experience of the place.

Went out for dinner with Mum and Dad and Ryan tonight. And my summation after a long rant was that there is a part of me that feels at like Alice is home. And I imagine that one day it will be. At least for some period in my life.

It’s been a rocky month. Western Macdonells, Eastern Macdonells and other kinds of less physical rocks too I think.

Well I thought I would do a quick blog from Alice.

I am in Alice. I have been for the last 3 weeks. I’m leaving on Monday. It’s been a real mixed time. Varied in activity and feeling.

The colours of this land are very great and I think that that red ochre colour has seeped into my skin a little.

I’m really appreciating my friends and my community being away from it.

The sun is soooooo good. I’ve been walking around catching it on my back today and loving it.

Well tomorrow I am catching a plane to the centre. Who knows what awaits me there. Hopefully some red earth, I’m looking forward to seeing that. This has been a long awaited trip. I can’t believe its time to go.

I’m looking forward to
- perhaps having soup
- sitting around campfires
- camping
- walking around Uluru
- riding a bike
- doing some walking
- doing some nothing
- seeing red soil

I reckon there are plenty of things I am looking forward to. I reckon there are plenty of things I’m a bit nervous and scared about also.