I’ve felt a change in myself lately. A little out of control, distant and like an observer of who I actually am. I freak out when I am not in control of who I am or how I relate to people. But sometimes I just need to chill out. Jo and I have been having another one of those late night philosophy nights with a teapot. I love teapots.

I’ve had this strange realisation that this is just the way it is, and not much is going to change. I find it a hard reality to sit with. Knowing that where you sit in the world isn’t about to change anytime soon. Who I am is who I am, and that what it is is just the way it is. I am going to have another day off tomorrow. I am so merrily excited and doing frivolous things like not going to bed even though I’m totally tired.

Last night after work, I was walking back to Mum’s and I saw Ryan and Libby in the window and I ‘popped’ in to say hello and stayed till late. Libby told funny stories about tea and “very very very very weak tea” which thinking about it now makes me giggle. We had several pots of tea, which is very important…and gross pizza. I think gross pizza is the theme of my weekend really. Gross greasy floppy thin Amercian like pizza on Friday night. I felt so gross afterwards, funny considering we’d chosen pizza instead of falafel so we wouldn’t feel so gross.

I’m forgetting my Spanish. Ahhhh.

I was talking to Lucy potato today and I always ask her at work what she’s doing that Sunday arvo because it always sounds so deliciously fun. And I always get excited to hear about it. Today she said ‘absolutely nothing’ and it still sounded fun. I decided I needed lessons from her on how to make life seem deliciously fun. And I was practicing and I found a key. You need to say and I ‘popped’ it really helps. Tea is always a good addition too. Avoid words like chill, they sound a little hmmm, but I think actually Lucy could pull it off. She has the skill of pronunciation and an exciting tone. It really is quite something. It helps to turn little things into stories. Often Lucy says

“I think I might go home and paint my teapot”

I think that suggesting with a “might” is quite good because it lets off a dreamy effect (I had to learn about affect and effect tonight - again, and I actually got it and understood but it was so confusing I’ve almost forgotten). Intonation is also important. Oh I just hope I pick up some more skills in the area.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 26th, 2005 at 11:54 pm.