I have been feeling yuck the past while, partly my own doing.
I kind of don’t know if I’ve just become more aware of all the horrible traits I have or if they are just particularly bad at the moment. I don’t know what would be better. In a way I’d rather not be like this all the time, because I would have no idea why people are friends with me, but the thought of just being yucky and selfish now is more hurtful in the here and now.

I was talking to Jo the other night about blogs being cryptic, and I hope I’m not being too so. I think I’ve just noticed how selfish I am lately and so many of my horrible traits - for example talking over people like they aren’t there. Finishing peoples sentences. The only good news is, because I’m so concious of it, I’m trying harder not to do it. And when I start, I find myself stopping myself.

I had some people over from my church for dinner the other night. There was Fi, Jo, Ben, Ange and me. Then Jo and Fi went to soccer and I just talked to the others for ages. It was really nice to entertain people. Well to cook people dinner and try and be hospitable. Eventually they went home, but I had a really nice night.

Went camping last weekend too. That was mixed. Well in short it was really great. I’m glad I went because God really taught me not to doubt and was really there and I found it kind of amazing. I sat there feeling a bit bitter - and then continued to get annoyed at myself for being in a bad mood.

I had Ams and Lu over for breakfast last Friday too. That was really nice. There was so much food and drinks that you couldn’t fit any more on the table. So nice. That’s what I like to see.

I’ve managed to make it sound like I’m doing soooo much. But I haven’t really been doing a lot. Which is kind of depressing. But I’m working through it.

I’m hoping that this week is more hopeful, because I feel like this past week has had a real lack of hope. I did get to play with Hannah though so life must be okay.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 3rd, 2005 at 3:57 pm.