And all four John Mayers are finished. What am I to do?

Escalating, regressing and dissolving problems- it all sounds the same to me. I hate not knowing the difference. I might put some solutions to the problem in a hat- pick out them out and see if that works. I bet it would.

You can totally tell when I have a day off.

I hate needing to think about money so much. So many things come down to not having enough money. Like I have a sore chest because I had a mean bra that cut a hole into me because I don’t have enough money to get a new one. It really hurts. Ohh the joys.

We’re always taught at ooni that people will try and read meanign into your work even if there is no meaning. Its just the way humans are, and how people will finish off pictures even if they aren’t there. It’s good because it means you can be subtle about things. But when I come back to the real world it takes on a different perspective. I almost don’t like it. I do it too, everything you read, see and live etc, you try to interpret into some sort of something. But it occurs to me, that all so often I imagine read the completely wrong things into what I think or say or do and take it as truth. It’s hard, because I know I do it. In fact I don’t think we can stop ourselves doing it, its human instinct (if all those theories are correct)- but it kind of gets misleading somewhere in there.
I don’t like the idea that people are thinking wrong random thoughts and thinking that I’ve said it somewhere out there. Maybe I’m not made out to be a designer. I’m all for the lets not read deeper meaning into the design. Because you can only hear how this lemon squeezer is sexually evocative and how it was taken from this picture of a girl… so many times. Sometimes when it comes down to, people just thought it looked cool. Why read so much more into it.
There argument is you need to know how people are going to read it because you can send off the wrong messages. Hmph.

Because Its John Mayer Player Day. And Ialmost forgot until Ryan reminded me. Oh. What a nice surprise.

But it’s all relative
Even if you don’t understand
Well it’s all understood
Especially when you don’t understand
And it’s all just because
Even if we don’t understand
Then lets all just believe

But there you go once again
You missed the point and then you point
Your fingers at me
And say that I said not to believe
I believe
I guess
I guess it’s all relative

- Jack Johnson

I was listening to this and thought the words were way cool. But then I was going to quote a bit and then I read them all and then I got confused as to what i should quote and then I was going to quote the whole song- but I dion’t want to do that. So I just quoted a bit. But I would have like quoted the whole song too- but whole songs make it seem less meaningful and like I’ve just chucked a chunk there, even though that wasn’t what I was thinking. So check out all the lyrics, they’re cooooool. And so’s the song.
And so’s is a coooooool word.
Those lyrics confused me too. I got really muddled and lost, like a brain twister. It means I haven’t eaten enough. Yes. I better eat.

I just had the stupist conversation in my head the whole walk home. Its so incredibly emabarassing. I’m so good at floating off into dreams and making up crazy stories. So silly really. And not really very helpful to anything. I suppose it would be good for my humility if anyone found out about my stupid conversations. But I hope I don’t have to face humilty like that. It would be too embarassing. Maybe another way. Are we allowed to choose how we face humility… Hmmmm… I see the flaw in my plan.
Not humilty. Just embarassment. Although I do wish I was more humble often. And when I don’t wish it- I should be. And I wish I was more focused. On life and on God.
Give me back my point of view
‘Cause I just can’t think for you
- Jet

I feel that lovely sense of stress coming my way and I’m totally immobilised to do anything.

Last night we saw touching the void. Amazing. Scary.
After movie-ing me and Jo had a sleepover and promised we wouldn’t talk because we were so tired. So we slept real well. And we went swimming and it was great. Although I felt discouarged because I was having trouble even swimming 25m. And I tried doing tumble turns and well really- its quite funny. I didn’t know that they were hard- but they are. And then we went to Ashfield Uniting Church where they have the Exodus foundation. That was pretty cool but the church was a very old congregation- Which was okay, but probably not desirable. It was kind of nice, but not perfect I’d say. Its a bit far away anyway. We did have fun hanging around Ashfield and doinf Grandma things like having coffee and muffins at cute little cafes.
We had fun back at Jo’s house eating and making food and hanging out with Jo’s ripper flatmates. And we cleaned Jo’s room and rearranged stuff and its so good. In fact it was redecorating afternoon. They seem to redecorate everytime I go there.
And the best part was that I strolled onto an express train back to Hornsby once they dropped me at Strathfield. It was perfect.