I’m so shy when I meet people. I told myself that when I started uni I’d be really out there and I’d make heaps of friends. I told myself that at the beginning of high school and everything I do really. And I really alwasy beleive that I will. But I never do. I’m so shy when I first meet people, thats why I hate parties so much. Unless I’m kind of with a group of people who are all in the same boat really. But today, after being at uni for one semester, I’ve become a little less shy. I sat with four ripper people (and yes Chris one of them was the girl you met) on the train on the way home. And not only did I not freak out, I actually had a nice time. I even went with them to get chips before we got on the train. Normally I run away at that point in case they leave me out. One guy said to me he wondered why I wasn’t so talkative and excited by everything in class, why was I so shy. And I thought about it, I don’t know why. I realise thats why no one really wants to necessarily be my friend, because I’m too quiet and shy. Dad was telling me similar stuff about his leadership course. I am shy in case people don’t like me, but when you get comfortable enough to not care and just let it rip, people are way more likely to be your friend. Its a bit sad really because it alwasy takes me a while to settle down, same with my acting class last year. I wouldn’t have said much to most people until half way through the year. Silly really, because by the end, we all loved each other so much. That was nice too, because it was such a diverse group of people.
Thats nice about uni too, people don’t actually care that you like different stuff, they actually like it.
So to celebrate, lets all listen to Joni Mitchell. Strange, me and Ryan decided she must be Australian, weird. But even weirder is that Pia Miranda is 30. That is the strangest thing ever. But it fills my heart with hope. Hooray!!!

I went running. It felt like my lungs might collapse, but I did it.

One O’clock starts are nice. The only problem is I’m still a little sleepy and I don’t know how to type properly. Its taken about a minute to get thus far. I started writing eleven, but thats wrong. Normally I start at eleven. BUt not today. Woop woop de doo.
When Ryan gets out of the shower, I may go to the bathroom and hopefully force myself to go for a run. I hope I’m not making excuses, but I couldn’t actually run right now.

I have never been under a local before, but starting June 15, I will go under two in the space of about a month. Wisdom teeth and I just booked my face surgery to cut my face open. I’m ever so scared. I had to put on a brave face to the surgery lady, but she was friendly. I was originally going to have a general anaesthetic for my face, but I’m a little scared of that now too. Best part is, local anaesthetics are cheaper.
I’ve been very productive though, I went to centrelink this aftrenoon and gave them what I hope is the last correspondance I have with them until they give me money. And then I rung centrelink, because I forgot to ask when I was there to change my name from Miss Jemma to Ms Jemma and the guy didn’t even laugh at me. The funniest part was he had to spend 10 minutes doing things to change it. I think he thought it was funny though.
And the best part about today is that I have now finished Researching Design History, the subject. YAY. My first uni subject over. I have a lecture next week, but there is no assessment left on that subject. And also goodness is that I got back my stupid assessments that I didn’t even understand and it just goes to show that bullshit counts more than anything because I got two HD’s. Bah.
I can’t wait to get my teeth out now though. I woke up this morning and they were really swollen and sore. They are okay now, but it will be nice when it stops.

The number one article
Travel warnings stepped up for Indonesia
Plane tickets will be cheaper, thats a plus
Its also more likely we’ll get killed. Thats not so good.

yay. I finished my assignment. It just means I have to other ones though. I made a t-shirt. It looks pretty cool.
I had fun doing my process book. It was just like writing a personal journal. It was cool because I did it on stuff I wanted to and that was relevant I just made it totally self indulgent and wrote stuff that helped get my thoughts out.
That was nice. I like having things on paper. I feel like I don’t need to use so much brain power to remember all my thoughts. It was all about time and how I don’t do what I want to do with my time. About how I don’t “choose life”. I think I came to a final realisation that it was about just choosing to do what I want to do and choosing my life rather than let anyone else tell me what to do with my time. It was weird because I started going to uni to do exactly that, not have my boss tell me what to do. But it started out feeling that lecturers told me to do assignments and have them in by a particular date. Yes thats still the same, but I suppose I’ll only do it because I want to, not because they make me. Just a shift in perception perhaps, but it doesn’t make a difference, and keeping sight of the bigger picture and the things that I actually want to do with my life.
Chrissy and I were talking about these same things the other night, and it made me feel sad almost that I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I dunno, I just think that life is way too valuable to being living life in ways that I don’t want to. I should make decisions about what I want to do. And sure, I’ll often be in situations I may not want to be in but may be beneficial, but I mean bigger picture. At least working at Economos has helped me sort that kind of stuff out.

I think I’ve been a bit lost since leaving school, needing some structure in my life and feeling I actually need to be something. And I don’t know what, its too hard. So I figure until I decide I should at least be doing things I want to, because chances are I’ll never decide, so why waste now in hope of the future. It all just tempts me to run away around the world and make a living off picking cherries and cleaning dingy hotels. I can cope with that stuff for a few months whilst I meet people and see the world.
New Zealand was lovely in the sense that no one could tell me what to do. No voices asking me to do things for them (specifically my bosses- I got sick of living his life). There was no responsibility. I just did whatever I wanted. And…it was bliss. (perhaps self-indulgent, but bliss)

Why am I still not a link on David’s blog?

Why have I had Christian Karaoke in my head all day? I’m not the type to practice in front of the mirror. It just doesn’t make sense. The worst part is, its just two lines,
“I will praise you,
I will praise you,
nah nah nah nah
Still I will come to you.”
I mean I don’t even know the words, I just know it hums up and down a lot.

I’ve never seen one, but I am very tired. I have been closing my eyes today everytime I see a staright patch of road where I don’t think I’ll crash or when I can just listen instead of look. I keep falling asleep. And my legs are tired too, I think that I shouldn’t stand up too much tonight or I might fall over.
I finished making pistachio bread for chrissy. It was meant to be a birthday gift but it all went wrong. I forgot to grease the tin and it sure wasn’t thinking of coming out anytime soon and then I had this real ingenious though right. I’d pour just a touch of hot water down the edges to ease the stick, and it just slipped out like a charm. You know what… I should be a designer!
In other news, my teacher didn’t mark my assessment and so my waiting around for 3 And A Half Hours was pretty pointless. But hey, what else is uni for.
Last night me and mum went out for dinner with Lucy and Margot (Lucy’s mum). It was ripper fun. We were all just like teeenagers again. And the best part was we ate Gordon Thai. I’m getting bulkier though, yay! I went out with Chrissy on Wednesday night for his birthday, and stuffed myself. We had a very most pleasant evening I’d say. Young and silly. Ahh.

How cool is Harry Potter. I think that I cannot wait for two weeks. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Hold on tight and carry bags in case I get a bit excited!!! YAY